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h o w i a w o k e
(short version)
by Arethinn
>How did you discover your nature? Was it something that you suddenly
>were aware of or did you always know?
Well, there's a question where 10 subjects will give you 15 answers! This process seems to be different for everyone, although many ways have similarities to others. Me, I was one of the ones who always "felt a little different," something I generally attributed to the fact that I was the only pagan/witch I knew of in my high school or junior high, and in addition to that, kept secretly believing in unicorns and all that well into my teen years. When I was 11, a friend of mine and I used to pretend that we were characters from ElfQuest, and that is really what started the whole thing, I think, when you take the broad view. I am a wild believer and a maker of bad art because it looks pretty :)
But to jump forward in time... I think that since about December of 1997 I had been looking at pages about elves and things, mainly on account of playing Menzoberranzan (read: CD game that takes you into Drow Elf City), and reading about drow and stuff. Naturally, this led me to a few pages of "real" dark elves and such. Didn't think much about it at the time, beyond "wouldn't that be neat." Some months later - around May or June, I think - I found a link on some page to join the original wyldefae elist, which was a onelist list (it's since been moved to egroups.com and sadly has generally died because of its many "restarts" after flamewars of one variety or another).
Wow, but wasn't this a revelation. It was weird to encounter so many magickal people in one place, so many fae. I'll skip the emotional trauma I always go through, thinking since I don't exhibit X characteristic I can't possibly be (whatever) and... but in the end, I felt the touch of fae and it worked its way into me. I was still a little "left out" until I started having - or properly, retrieving, since it was through a shamanic journey - memories. And the fact that my worldview coincides with so many of the fae - well, it's just more evidence. I'm wild for beauty and find it and make it. I do glamour and faerie dust because I'm that way :)
"But you do, you do have magic. Maybe you can't find it, but it's there... you have all the power you need, if you dare to look for it." --The Last Unicorn